Category Archives: His Worship & The Pig

It’s Great To Be Sixty

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Download lyric sheet with chords

Thank you for coming to my birthday bash
Lets have a good time while the nosh and booze lasts
and thanks for the cards and the pressies and stuff
And to those who thought writing a song was enough

Sixty oh sixty it’s great to be sixty
Not shagged out and shattered
But feisty and frisky
Not knocked up and knackered
But ribald and risqué
Oh God but it’s great to be sixty

Now some folks have said and I think they’re sincere
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The Sexton

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You know I’ve been sitting here thinking
Thirty years every day without fail
All the years come and gone, all the folks that’s passed on
And I’m still here to tell you the tale

Chrous:
Just rely on your good friend the sexton
When all around are bereaved and bereft
When the kids take your money and God takes your soul
I’ll take good care of what’s left

Now I’ve got folks in here lived to give cash away
While there’s others who … Continue reading →

The Ballad Of Scoonie’s Arse

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Look Back In 'Anley by Dave Boulton

I’ll tell to you a stirring tale, pray give me your attention
For the nights are drawing in and time for droll diversion’s sparse
I promise it will end before you qualify for pension
And both the song and story are entitled “Scoonie’s Arse”.

My tale concerns a giant though there’s some that don’t believe it
But Scoonie was his name and he lived down by Leven town
He strode six leagues at every step his head in clouds was wreath-ed
And when he spoke you’d fear that he might bring the … Continue reading →

The Royal Charter

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Look Back In 'Anley by Dave Boulton

Words by Dave Boulton, music by Jeff Parton

Fifty-nine days from Australia’s shore
THE NIGHT THE ROYAL CHARTER WENT DOWN
Heading for Liverpool City once more
THE NIGHT THE ROYAL CHARTER WENT DOWN
There was well-to-do merchants and mariners bold
Miners and prospectors laden with gold
The log showed five hundred and forty all told
THE NIGHT THE ROYAL CHARTER WENT DOWN

Each man had thanked God to be sailing away, THE NIGHT…
From the mud of the Murray, the silt of the Grey, THE NIGHT
Some had struck rich and came home in great store
Others had only the clothes that … Continue reading →

Rough Justice

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Bringing Home The Bacon by Dave Boulton

Words by Dave Boulton, music by Jeff Parton

Now the young ‘uns today are all vandals and the buggers are muggers an’ all
When they’re not out ram-raiding they’re all out parading the stuff they nicked in the last haul
Well hard discipline never did me any harm and conscription would do ‘em all good
And if I had my way I’d go back to the days when a criminal knew where he stood

Chorus:
I’d flog ‘em and flay ‘em and hang ‘em
I’d bring back the birch and the cat
… Continue reading →

Quasimodo’s Farewell

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By Dave Boulton January 1983

In Notre Dame belfry ‘twas peaceful and still
In fact ‘twere as dead as a Dodo
And there wasn’t a peep cause the bats was asleep
Upside down and so was Quasimodo
Now He’d been employed 40 years man and boy
On retiring he’d set all his hopes
And they’d said he could go once he’d found a new bloke
For the job and just showed him the ropes

In his dream he’s retired and he’s being served wine
Spragged out on a floral divan
By … Continue reading →

The Potters’ Alphabet

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Look Back In 'Anley by Dave Boulton

A is for ARKKID’ he’s your flesh and blood
B is for BOSTIN when summat’s dead good
C Is for CHONOCKS young turnips so sweet
and D is for DEWT’NZ makin’ potts down Nile Street

Chorus:
Potters lads Mums and Dads Daughters and Sons
they’re first among equals and second to none
They talk a bit funny they sound a bit strange
but they’d give their last Shilling and not ask for change

E is for ‘EARS that’s the passing of time
F is for FUNT it’s the past tense of find
G is for GIZEET like … Continue reading →

Peaches And Squid

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There’s no use me trying to hide it, no use me trying to be nice
The chance of relationships turning out well
Is like throwing a seven with only one dice
For love is a momentary fancy and lust is a temporary flight
And before you’ve gone on for too far or too long
You’re into the fisticuffs, fall-outs and fights

Chorus:
It can’t be denied and it can’t be hid
The sexes don’t get on and they never did
‘Cause they go together like peaches and squid
Together like peaches … Continue reading →

The Song Of The Oyster Catcher

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Laugh Or Cry Same Price by Dave Boulton

Words by Dave Boulton, Music by Jeff Parton

Download lyric sheet with chords

I watched the oyster catcher’s swooping flight
Sweeping low across the waves towards the setting sun
As it sank down to the blazing sea to leave behind another dismal night
Her piping cry by wind and wave came crystal clear to me
Calling for the sun to stay or take her where a new day’s just begun

I saw her turning to the land once more
A lonely silhouette against a cloudless evening sky
Sweeping in a graceful arc towards … Continue reading →

‘Orace ‘Oskins

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Look Back In 'Anley by Dave Boulton

I’d have been three or four but not a lot more just a kid playing out in the sun
When out of the blue the sky clouded over and flash bang I thought that my last day had come
I shot straight indoors like a whippet with the demons of hell on my heels
I was caught by me Mum and swung up in her arms, she said son you’ve got nothing to fear

Chorus:
It’s just ‘Orace ‘Oskins tipping his bricks Just ‘Orace ‘Oskins up to his tricks
And the flashes are only the … Continue reading →