Category Archives: His Worship & The Pig

You’re Only As Old

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Men’s Verses

Look Back In 'Anley by Dave Boulton

Now if you’re knocking fifty I’ll bet you a quid
That your bodily functions don’t work like they did
And to see yourself naked’s a little depressing
Though your skin fits OK it looks like it needs pressing

Chorus:
So don’t think that fifty’s the end of the line
That you’ve run out of track and you’ve run out of time
Cos as long as you’ve got both your ardour and zeal
You’re only as old as the woman you feel

Well round about fifty you … Continue reading →

One of Those Days

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When you find you’ve slept through your alarm clock and you can’t find clean knickers or socks
When number one daughter’s used all the hot water and there’s no teabags left in the box
The orange juice carton is empty and the coffee pot’s furry and green
The only bread’s frozen, the toaster is broken and you struggle to stifle a scream

CHORUS:
 It’s going to be one of those days
It’s going to be one of those days
But don’t think these things only happen … Continue reading →

Michael Hestletine

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So you’re closing Trentham deep Mr. Heseltine
I wonder how you sleep Mr. Heseltine
do you count the poor souls that your putting on the dole
what will be the final toll Mr. Heseltine

Market forces must prevail Mr. Heseltine
or the economy will fail Mr. Heseltine
So you buy Colombian coal cut by miners nine years old
and put our own lads on the dole Mr. Heseltine.

.Now we may not be too bright Mr Heseltine
but we can see that things aren’t right Mr.Heseltine
we don’t have degrees like you, cant talk clever like you do
but we know we’re being screwed Mr.Hesletine

Count the pits … Continue reading →

It’s Always The Women Who Mourn

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Words by Dave Boulton, music by Jeff Parton
Download lyrics sheet with chords

I remember the telegram, father in tears, we’d lost Albert at El Alemaine
Mum didn’t cry but I don’t think that I can remember her smiling again
There were thousands of sons sacrificed to the guns, thousands who died all alone
But fifty years on she still talks of her son as if any day now he’ll be home

Chorus:
It’s always the women who mourn in the cold lonely hours before dawn
Crying for sons lost … Continue reading →

Mountains and Men

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Laugh Or Cry Same Price by Dave Boulton

By Dave Boulton & Jeff Parton

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I watched the sheep grazing out over the hills on a patchwork of yellow and green
Saw the barns and the byres, the homesteads and farms, and the miles of stone wall in between
From the valleys they sweep to the skyline, from the mountains run down to the sea
And I wondered who’d given a lifetime of labour and what kind of men they had been

… Continue reading →

Mind Over Matter

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Laugh Or Cry Same Price by Dave Boulton

I was going to Majorca with the missus son and daughter
For a week of sea and sand and Spanish “pop”
And we’d just got to the airport when a relatively rare thought
Just popped into my head and made me stop
I said “I wish we’d brought the telly” they said “Dad you’re being silly”
I said “I’m not I’ve left the tickets on the top.”

CHORUS:
‘Cause my belly’s gone to pot and my eyes are on the blink
My hair came off in handfuls … Continue reading →

Make Do and Mend

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Laugh Or Cry Same Price by Dave Boulton

Words by Dave Boulton, music by Jeff Parton

When I was a lad I remember my dad
Said not to throw good things away
He had an old rhyme he’d recite all the time
And these are the words he would say

Chorus:
Make do and mend, tinker and tend
Never subscribe to the spon new and spend
Repair and refurbish, restore and refurnish
It’s waste not and want not and make do and mend

Now things that were loved get shifted and shoved
To make room for new … Continue reading →

Lozakin’ Abite

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Look Back In 'Anley by Dave Boulton

Words by Dave Boulton, music by Jeff Parton

You know some folk are full of poke, they brim with vim and zip
The other trend is those who tend to need a load of kip
So when the latter gets a chance to laze and layabout
The former group are cock-a-hoop ’cause they get chance to shout

Chorus:
Wut stop lozakin abite? Wut stop lozakin abite?
I wunna ‘ave they slichin’ on the ewd setee!
And I wunna ‘ave they spraggin’ on the chairs, dust see?
I’ll tell thee I … Continue reading →

Little Willie’s Walnut Whip

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Look Back In 'Anley by Dave Boulton

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When little Willie Warrilow went off to school each day
His mummy she walked with him up the street
She’d kiss him at the old school gates before he ran to play
And in his hand she’d slip a little treat
Now all the naughty girlies in the playground
They stood and watched with avaricious eyes
And then they start conniving and conspiring and contriving
To relieve young master William of his prize

Chorus
Willie’s little walnut whip
Willie’s little walnut whip
All … Continue reading →

Lick ’em and Stick ’em

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Look Back In 'Anley by Dave Boulton

(It’s about National Insurance Stamps (honest!))

Download lyric sheet with chords

I never did care for the working though I’ve done time at Doulton and Spode
But I never got given my cards and my coppers I never got sent up the road
Now gaffers and bosses are all just the same always looking for fault and somebody to blame
So I’d kept my eye on the bugger I knew he’d got his eye on me
And as soon as … Continue reading →