Words by Dave Boulton, music by Jeff Parton
You know some folk are full of poke, they brim with vim and zip
The other trend is those who tend to need a load of kip
So when the latter gets a chance to laze and layabout
The former group are cock-a-hoop ’cause they get chance to shout
Wut stop lozakin abite? Wut stop lozakin abite?
I wunna ‘ave they slichin’ on the ewd setee!
And I wunna ‘ave they spraggin’ on the chairs, dust see?
I’ll tell thee I anna goin’ tell they any more, I’m goin’ give they a clite!
So get up off your bum, get a bit of summat done, and just stop lozakin abite!
Don’t whinge or moan, you’re not alone, there isn’t any mist’ry
There’s knackered folks and spiteful jokes reported all through hist’ry
And though the names and places change and instances are ample
The message always stays the same, to whit and for example
Now King Canute in his birthday suit he sat there on his throne
As the waves they chased about his waist he wished he’d stayed at home
And so when Queen Canute come down to view his dismal failure
He daresn’t stand to greet her lest he show his full regailure (she says)
Napoleon came strolling in from down t’ Cheveux and Trap
Finds Josephine reposin’ in a gownless evening strap
And in her best French accent says: ‘ow winderfil yo luck
Is thore simthing je can doo fer vous? And Boney says: Yes duck.
Lord Nelson’s lot was to get shot upon the good ship Vict’ry
What happened next is circumspect and somewhat contradic’try
‘Cause Nelson calls out “Kiss me Hardy, grant my final wish!”
And Hardy kneels by Nelson’s side and quietly whispers this
Don’t be ashamed if you feel drained, it’s not that you’re bone idle
Don’t let their taunts harangue and haunt or make you suicidal
Just wait until you’re wide awake sometime ’round 3am
And get them on the telephone so you can say to them “Oy!”
©2005 His Worship and the Pig