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Men’s Verses
Now if you’re knocking fifty I’ll bet you a quid
That your bodily functions don’t work like they did
And to see yourself naked’s a little depressing
Though your skin fits OK it looks like it needs pressing
Chorus:
So don’t think that fifty’s the end of the line
That you’ve run out of track and you’ve run out of time
Cos as long as you’ve got both your ardour and zeal
You’re only as old as the woman you feel
Well round about fifty you might be concerned
At the largish amount of your candle you’ve burned
But the size of your candle don’t matter a bit
What’s important is how long it burns once it’s lit
And shortly you’ll start growing hair once again
From your armholes and earholes and holes I won’t name
And no-one’s explained it and I’ve never read
Why it grows down your nostrils but not on your head
When you were just twenty-one all your girl friends
Used to say that you’d go like a Mercedes Benz
Now they all say that your engine is slowing
They start you by hand and jump on once you’re going
Women’s verses
You’ve got lotions and potions and cream you’ve got grease
to cover each wrinkle and crinkle and crease
they fill all your cupboards from the front to the back
you’ve got more oil reserves than the whole of Iraq
Chorus:
So don’t think that fifty’s the end of the line
That you’ve run out of track and you’ve run out of time
Cos I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again
It’s not the men in your life, it’s the life in your men
Well you must have had implants the odd tuck or two
to keep the voluptuous shape that you do
but too many face lifts and just as you feared
you’ll end up with a curly triangular beard
Some ladies at fifty may go so far
as to give up the habit of wearing a bra
it don’t add to your style, it don’t add to your grace
but it pulls all the wrinkles from out of your face
© 1989 His Worship & the Pig