Now there’s them who find schooling comes easy
While others don’t fare quite so well
And if you preferred rattin’ to history or Latin
The others will make your life hell

For they’ll scorn both successes and failures
And they’ll mimic and mock and malign
Decry and deride everything that you’ve tried
To stand out to shimmer and shine

And so when they get up to their antics
You’ll need to convince or confuse
And there’s only one way and one thing you can say
To prove they’re no better than you

If they ask you to state the square root of eight say ‘tifano
Or if they want the name of the emp’ror of Spain say ‘tifano
When they talk of Aida and say that they need-a the name of your favourite soprano
Say without hesitation or hint of frustration ‘tifano

If they ask you how far to the nearest star say “‘tifano”
If you’re asked to expound on the nature of sound say “‘tifano”
If they ask what you know about Daniel Defoe or the best way to tune a piano
Look ‘em straight in the eyes with no trace of surprise, say “‘tifano”

If they ever enquire how to kill a vampire say “‘tifano”
Or you have a request how to spell Bucharest say “‘tifano”
Or if asked to expand on the state of Lapland or the Latin name for a banano
Give a short soulful sigh and by way of reply say “‘tifano”

If they ever ask you to translate Déjà vu say “‘tifano” (x2)
Guten Morgen wie-gehts? or Hai genki des say “‘tifano”
Nihongo, Francais, Espagnol, Cantonese, Belgique Deutch or Italiano
If they say parlez vous? all that you need to do’s say “‘tifano”

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