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When little Willie Warrilow went off to school each day
His mummy she walked with him up the street
She’d kiss him at the old school gates before he ran to play
And in his hand she’d slip a little treat
Now all the naughty girlies in the playground
They stood and watched with avaricious eyes
And then they start conniving and conspiring and contriving
To relieve young master William of his prize
Chorus
Willie’s little walnut whip
Willie’s little walnut whip
All the naughty girlies are trying to get a grip
On Willie’s little walnut whip
They chased him round the playground and they chased him up the stairs
Round about the bike sheds and the gym
They hid behind the loos and tried to catch him unawares
He got away by risking life and limb
They passed him naughty notes while in the classroom
They offered him incentives in the street
They said that they would show him things a boy should not be knowing
If he’d let them get their hands upon his treat
He pacified their cravings with pork scratchings from a bag
He’d cleverly concealed inside his cap
He repelled their bold advances with a secret sherbet dab
He’d tucked inside his sock for such mishaps
He deployed his macaroons as a diversion
It didn’t seem to mollify their mood
So he offered them his Polo’s and proffered them his Rolo’s
But in the end it didn’t do much good
This harassment went on through all the time he spent at school
Every day and every chance they got
Would find the naughty girlies in the cloak room or the pool
Hatching nasty naughty girly plots
The other boys would offer them their bon bons
It didn’t seem to interest them much
They’d toy with their affections but ignored their base confections
cuz all they really want to do is touch
The headmistress she summoned little Billy to her room
Said she’d have to confiscate his snack
The news filled master William with a sense of dread and doom
Cuz he knew once nicked he’d never get it back
So he offered her a finger of his Kit Kat
She took all four without a flit or flinch
Whilst insisting that she wanted every inch
He pacified their cravings with pork scratchings from a bag
He’d cleverly concealed inside his cap
He repelled their bold advances with a secret sherbet dab
He’d tucked inside his sock for such mishaps
He deployed his macaroons as a diversion
It didn’t seem to mollify their mood
So he launched his maraschinos from the fly hole of his Chinos
But in the end it didn’t do much good
Now Billy was a bloke who knew when he had met his match
And grudgingly he parted with his prize
And in spite of all the chocs and stuff she’d shoveled down her hatch
She grasped his tuck with hungry haunted eyes
But nibbled round the nuts with gay abandon
Licked the lovely chocolate from the rim
And slurped the creamy fondant leaving Billy boy despondent
Cuz she didn’t save a single bit for him
And now there comes a moral to this tawdry little tale
In a world where worth and wealth are closely bound
Hoarding worthless trinkets in the end’s to no avail
Cuz it’s chocolate that makes the world go round
Inside every woman lives a naughty girly
And naughty girls have chocolate on their minds
Diamonds might be their best friend but I think in the end
The thing they want’s what Billy tried to hide