If You Can’t Hold Your Beer

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There’s some who think drinking’s a pleasure
While others might say it’s a gift
It turns some into laughable affable fools
While some get the misogs or manically miffed
But there’s just a few turn into monsters
Beer sodden Jekyl and Hydes
And if all this rings true and you recognise you
It’s about time you took this advice

If you can’t hold your beer then don’t drink it
If you can’t stand the sauce then don’t sink it
If a couple of jars turns you into an arse
Then you can’t hold your beer so don’t drink it

Now some mix the malt and the barley
Some mix the grape and the grain
Some mix up hunk with slavering drunk
And cause all the ladies much anguish and pain
And there’s always one can’t tell the diff’rence
Between sarcasm, insult and wit
And when he’s off his face he’s got no social grace
A belligerent bleary-eyed git

So if you can’t pull a pint and stay pleasant
If you cant quaff a quart and keep quiet
If you cant gulp a gallon without getting sullen
Resorting to ridicule, ruction and riot
Then it’s high time you chose a new hobby
And it’s not much to ask for God’s sake
Just give up beer and rye. Give water a try
And your friends and your family a break

© 2001 His Worship & the Pig

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