Words by Dave Boulton, music by Jeff Parton

When everybody lets you down who’s there to calm your fears?
When no one understands you who seems wise beyond his years?
If you’re feeling like you’re forty or feeling like you’re four
Who knows what you need when you can’t take it anymore

He’s your teddy, he’s your confidante and friend
He’s your teddy, and he’ll love you right up to the very end
When that troubled look is in your eyes, he asks no questions tells no lies
Just sits there on your bed, cause he’s your teddy, he’s your Ted

He doesn’t leave his underpants and socks strewn round the floor
If you say you’ve got a headache he won’t go round slamming doors
And he doesn’t come home drunk with alibis that can’t be proved
He’s sort of like a man with all the nasty bits removed

You can take him to your heart and you can take him to your bed
When the nights are cold and lonely there is no-one like your Ted
And he’ll be there in the morning and he’ll stay the whole day through
And won’t ask silly questions about how it was for you

And when no-one wants to listen he’ll hang on your every word
When you come out with a mouthful, he’ll act like he never heard
It may be problems with your love life or the greenfly on your Dahlias
But he’ll never pass opinions or confront you with your failures

Now he may not be the Teddy that he was in earlier years
He’s losing stuffing here and there, he’s lost one of his ears
But you’ll forgive his foibles, all his failings and his flaws
For through the long years he’s forgiven every one of yours

 1995 His Worship & the Pig 

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