Rough Justice

Words by Dave Boulton, music by Jeff Parton

Now the young ‘uns today are all vandals and the buggers are muggers an’ all
When they’re not out ram-raiding they’re all out parading the stuff they nicked in the last haul
Well hard discipline never did me any harm and conscription would do ‘em all good
And if I had my way I’d go back to the days when a criminal knew where he stood

Chorus:
I’d flog ‘em and flay ‘em and hang ‘em
I’d bring back the birch and the cat
I’d give ‘em what for, the strong arm of the law
The thumbscrew, the stocks and all that
Course we could give ‘em jobs and a future
And their chance of a place in the sun
We could give ‘em fair shares in a country that cares
But it wouldn’t be half as much fun

Now take the Probationary service, they’d be sacked to a man right away
And all of them shirkers they call social workers, I’d find ‘em real jobs for a change
Then there’d be no more pleading for mercy while stood in the dock looking nervous
Is some time-served old lag caught red-handed with swag thanking God for community service

I could save the poor tax payer’s money, do away with the jury I say
For a judge worth his salt knows the criminal sort, he can spot ‘em a mile away
It’s their clothes and their haircuts and accents, it lets ‘em down time after time
With no jury to please a good judge could at ease select punishments fit for the crime, like …

Now prisons today are like holiday camps, they get snooker, ping-pong and TV
When they’re not breaking rocks up they should be chained and locked up, not studying for lawyers’ degrees
There’s no porridge and no bread and water, they get lashings of whiskey and Pernod
It’s like something off Sky or straight from Hi-de-Hi when it should be like Dante’s Inferno

They say villains need our understanding, compassion and help not reproof
But show too much meekness, they’ll take it as weakness and start chucking tiles off the roof
I admit we might string up a few by mistake, might break the odd innocent jaw
It just means they were hung before they did wrong, well prevention is better than cure

 1994 His Worship & the Pig rough.doc